Famous Korean Movie Lines

Today Videogum has introduced the self-explanatory Best New Party Game 5: #1stdraftmovielines. In keeping with the remarkably limited scope of this blog, I present #1stdraftkoreanmovielines (for the two people I know with Twitter):

"Forget it Jihoon, it's Americatown."

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn, unless you are older than me or went to the following colleges:"

"You can't handle the truth!"*

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies across a 2.5 mile demilitarized zone."

"As Kim Jong Il is my witness, I imagine I'll be hungry for the foreseeable future."*

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to book me, aren't you?"

"Oh no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was disloyalty to government killed the dissenter."*

"I feel the need - the need to respect my elders!"

* North Korea only

...Your turn? We should do this all day.

Kim Sung Il: Korean King of Pop

OK everybody, let’s talk North Korea.

Oh man. That place. As if you didn’t know, today was the 15^th anniversary of the death of Kim Sung Il. For North Koreans, this is a huge event. In the words of his son, Kim “King of the North” Jong Il, “Big shit poppin’, little shit stoppin’”.

For North Koreans, Kim Sung Il’s memorial day is like Michael Jackson dying every year. Just like with Jackson in America, all North Koreans are required by law to change their Facebook statuses to reflect how heartbroken they are about the death of a man they didn’t know who hasn’t done anything of interest in the past 15 years.

Of course, that analogy is hardly fair. For one thing, despite the fact that Kim Sung Il was the dictator of an oppressive nation-state whose citizens are required by law to worship him like a god, he probably wasn’t buried in a FUCKING SOLID GOLD COFFIN. For another thing, FUCK THAT.            

Dear Justin... Korean Mailbag!

In its purest form, blogging is a two-way street. The preferred means of communication for the e-proletariat, blogs are all about taking the power of the press away from those fat cats in the liberal media elite and giving it to people without spell check. Well, unlike those fat cats (so fat!), I intend to give the people what they want. You’ve raised your voices, and they have been heard: Korean Mailbag Q and A – you asked for it! (Why did you do that?)

 

Q: I live in Seoul and commute to work. The time going and coming from the office is one of the few times I have in the day to relax and be alone with my thoughts. I’d hate to have to take public transportation, but the cold winters here can be tough. During the winter months, what should I do if my giant robot won’t start?

 

A: Excellent question! Giant robots are a great way to get around, but do require careful maintenance. A remote starter can let you warm up your robot without even getting out of bed. Letting your robot warm-up before leaving the house helps avoid stall-outs and can even prevent engine-damage. Keep in mind, however, not to leave your robot running unattended for too long as it may become bored and fire photon lasers at the paper boy.

 

Carpooling is another option to consider, especially now that eco-friendly transportation is on everyone’s mind. Many giant robots have the ability to combine with other robots in order to form ultra-bots. Talk to some friends and organize your own transportation pool.

(Above: An easy way to save on fuel. Below: Some professional Koreans, ready to commute to the workplace)

 

Q: Is that naked Japanese guy real?

A: Terrifyingly, yes. Also, he’s dramatically lowering your chances of winning delicious mushrooms through the mail.

 

Q: I’m nervous about my upcoming arranged marriage. I want to honor my family, but I’m afraid I will be unhappy with my new wife. Is it possible that my arranged-wife-to-be feels exactly the same way, and that we’ll both go to extreme lengths to get out of the marriage because we’ve both met someone that we truly love, and then after some comic-mishaps we’ll both unhappily relent to be married only to both learn that our arranged-spouses and secret lovers are the same person, thus learning an important lesson about respecting traditional familial values while adapting to modern Korean youth’s rapid and sometime difficult immersion in an urban western secular lifestyle?

 

A: No, but only because you spent all your urban western secular time at the booking club booking the girl with the biggest 깡통.